Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 32)

XYZ Plc. was having a weekly Management Meeting.

Sir Amvent: Lord Adam, I proposed that we mobilised all the sales personnel in the sales department to secure more sales.

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent.

Sir Amvent: Then we implement a Call Centre Unit to handle the sales via phone.

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent again.

Sir Amvent: And to further reduce the cost, we can terminate those sales personnel who did not perfom.

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent.

Sir Amvent: This is to show our commitment in getting more sales to the HQ. And if Lord Adam, you are in the sales teams, we might sack you if you are not performing. Ha ha!

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent. Ermm... Sorry Lord Adam, I didn't mean that I agree that you to be sacked.

Sir Amvent: Ms. Rody, I am just cracking a joke here. Just don't agree with me on anything, will'ya.

Ms. Rody was blushing like a baboon's ass.

Moral of the Joke

• If you want to apple-polish, please do it with human brain and not parrot brain.
• You will get more "asses" on your face than good favours by apple-polishing.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 31)

(This happened few years ago) XYZ PLc. is in the midst of evaluating some training proposal from consultants for some internal training programme. Two consultant companies were shortlisted Advonte Plc. and TrainBean Plc. Mr. Vash was assigned to conduct a evaluation and suggest the best company for the job.

Mr. Vash, in his usual nature, delegated this job to his assistant, Mr. Baker.

Mr. Vash: Baker, did you come to any decision on the two companies? Which one you think is suitable for the job?

Mr. Baker: Boss, based on the evaluation, I think TrainBean Plc. is more suitable than Advonte.

Mr. Vash: Why?

Mr. Baker: Boss, first of all, TrainBean is more established and they have a lot of experience in the training subject.

Mr. Vash: Aiaya, are you sure aa? But I think Advonte is better.

Mr. Baker: Ok Boss. If you feel Advonte is better, then we will suggest Advonte to the Management.

Mr. Vash: Yeah. Baker, please remember to call Advonte and inform them to prepare a final proposal.

Few days have gone and Baker forgot to call Advonte Plc.

Mr. Vash: Baker, why you didn't call Advonte Plc.?

Mr. Baker: Sorry Boss, I forgot. But how did you know about this?

Mr. Vash: Of course I knew. My wife has been nagging me at home and asking when we wanna award the contract to her friend!! (oppssss...)

Mr. Baker: ..................

Mr. Vash: Ermmm... ahhh.. ehhh.... No la. No la. Forget what I have said.

Mr. Baker: (wtf.....!)

Moral of the Joke

• As a Boss, you make all the decision not your spouse/partners.
• Be professional. Don't mix office with home.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 30)

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! You can't even solve this problem. Really stupid!!

........

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! The letter is crumpled. Really Stupid!!

.......

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! Can't you give a better alternative? Really stupid!!

.......

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! You are just plain stupid!!

.......

Lord Adam got to know about Mr. Mosquito's bad habit of calling people "stupid" in the office. So one day Lord Adam asked for Mr. Mosquito.

Lord Adam: I heard that you like to call people "stupid" in the office.

Mr. Mosquito: No, no. I never do that. You have been misinformed. It's not me but my assistant, Ms. Maggie. I'll never call people "stupid"

Moral of the Joke

• Don't insult your subordinate.
• Don't call people "stupid" unless you are Einstein, Hawkings or Obama.
• Stupid boss calling others stupid = a pig calling other animals fat. :)

Baker is finally out of the "Shit Hole"

As some of the readers might noticed, there were no posts in May 2010. It's because Baker finally got his transfer out from his office. Therefore he was busy packing his stuffs and moving to a new office in the whole month of May.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 29)

One month ago, Baker has finally left his "shitty" office in Kuala Lumpur back to this hometown...

So one day at his old shitty office...

Scene 1:

Big Boss: "Who approved this programme?!!! I don't know a damn thing about it!!"

Boss: "Boss....Baker said...... u approved it."

Scene 2:

Janitor: "Who nvr flush the toilet?"

Boss: "It's Baker"

Scene 3:

James: "Darn! It's raining again."

Boss: "It's Baker's fault"

Scene 4:

Security: "Who never shut the emergency door?"

Boss: "Yesterday, I saw Baker open this door and never shut it back"

Scene 5:

Boss: "Damn, some of my shit stuck on my skirt. It's Baker's fault!"

Scene 6:

Boss' Son: "Mom, where does baby comes from?"

Boss: "It's Baker's fault"

MORAL OF THE JOKE

• You can put the blame on your subordinate when he is already left the office. However, not everybody might believe you.
• Be responsible already!!
• Blaming game will make you look stupid.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 28)

John was on a long vacation. When suddenly Boss emailed him...

Email 1 -

Dear John,

How do we assign jobs to the new staff? Please advise.

Boss.

Reply1 -

Dear Boss,

Please bring the new staff to meet the Head of HR. He/She will assign the jobs to them.

John

Email 2 -

Dear John,

I appreciate next time that you inform me of the arrival of the new staff at least 5 days in advance. How do we assign jobs to the new staff? Please advise.

Boss.

Reply2 -

Dear Boss,

As mentioned in the earlier email, please bring the new staff to meet the Head of HR. He/She will assign the jobs to them.

John

(One day, Nicki, John's subordinate met with Boss)

Boss: John is very rude to me. He is giving me orders to work. Who he thinks he is?! I am the Boss.. Very rude...

Nicki: ........

MORAL OF THE STORY:

John should write like this:

To My Esteemed Boss,

I have the honour to reply to your brilliant question. In my humblest opinion, I have the pleasure to inform Your Esteemed Boss that Your Esteemed Boss is able to consult the HR Boss with regard to the assignment for the new staff.

I would like to bow down to say a million thanks for wasting your precious golden time.

Any harm caused in this email is deeply regretted.

With utmost respect from your humblest worker,

John

Tales of Idiotic & Perverted Boss (Part 27)

Baker was away from his mad office for a short vacation down south when one morning, Mr. Mosquito called his mobile...

Mr. Mosquito: Baker, are you up or down?

Mr. Baker: Boss, I am on leave today.

Mr. Mosquito: Yes, I know. Are you up or down?

Mr. Baker: Up or down?

Mr. Mosquito: Ya, up or down?

Mr. Baker: Boss, I am down south.

Mr. Mosquito: I am not asking where are you. I am asking whether you are on top you wife right now or you are down under.

Mr. Baker: Ha. ha. ha. ha. (fake smile and in his heart *^$&^!#*&)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Be professional and don't disturb your subordinate who is on vacation just to crack some dirty jokes.
2. Again... Don't be an idiot....

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 26)

Mr. Baker was in delivering a corporate briefing to a group of students from University Technology of Malawi. As usual he started of with brief introduction and moved on towards the serious part. After 5 minutes, Baker realised that the students were getting sleepy.

At that moment, he pulled out one of his classic joke to "wake" the students....

Mr. Baker: I realised that most of you are maybe a bit sleepy. Let me tell you about one funny experience of mine working in this company.

Students: Ok...

Mr. Baker: 5 years ago, XYZ Plc.'s office was in an old and small complex. One day I saw a box of colourful round shaped objects in front of my door. I was thinking to myself "Who put a box of candies in front of my door? Looks nice.."

Suddenly, before Mr. Baker can continue further..... one hand raised high among the group....

Mr. Vash: Mr. Baker, can we focus on the original presentation aa? You know, the time is limited... just go into the facts la... (Note: it's just only 5 minutes into the presentation)

Everybody else was shocked and there were a sign of awkwardness among the lecturers and students.

Mr. Baker: So now what? Can i continue my joke or what?

Mr. Vash: Ermmm... ahhh.. ehhh.... please continue.. please continue...

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Never ever humiliate your subordinate in front of other guests.
2. You can send a small note and pass it to the presenter.
3. Don't be an idiot (must I repeat this for every posts? I think I should. It's Idioticboss.blogspot anyway. ;p)

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 25)

During the General Management Meeting of XYZ Plc.

Lord Adam (CEO) : So Mr. Vash (Boss), what is our sales performance for the past few months?

Mr. Vash: Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh... Sales performance huh... Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh... I have it with me just now... Ermmm... ahhhh.. ehhhh.... Maybe Mr. Baker can comment on this matter?

Mr. Baker: Ermmm... ahhhh.. ehhhh.... Sales performance huh... Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh...

Lord Adam: Hey, Baker. Why do you speak like that? Are you ok?

Mr. Baker: Yes, sir. I am perfectly healthy. Maybe I have been working under Mr. Vash for too long... (hahahhahaha)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Always be prepared for a meeting.
2. Don't be an idiot (as usual)

Editorial: This scenario has yet to happen in my life but I plan to crack this joke when I get my transfer out notice from the HQ... hahahaha... payback time!! Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh...

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 24)

Lord Adam, the CEO of XYZ Plc. wanted to organise a coordination meeting between all the subsidiary companies. Mr. Baker was given the task of coordinating the meeting.

This conversation happened between Mr. Baker and the Mr. Rave, Managing Director of United Kinetic Mining, one of the main XYZ subsidiary company.

Mr. Baker: Good morning, Mr. Rave. I wish to inform you that Lord Adam wishes to organise a coordination meeting and would like you to join the meeting on 3 April.

Mr. Rave: I will be at India at that time. I won't be able to make it. Anyway, it's XYZ's matter, you all can proceed without me. But at the same time, I think I must be there for the meeting since we are part of XYZ. But then I am not available on 3 April.

Mr. Baker: Ok, I will inform Lord Adam you can't make it.

Mr. Rave: Hmm... But I strongly feel that I must be there. But I am not available on 3 April.

Mr. Baker: Ok, then. Will you be sending any representatives from United Kinetic to the meeting?

Mr. Rave: Well, you know, no point sending others. I make all the decision here. I strongly feel that I must be there. United Kinetic Mining is ME...

Mr. Baker: Ok, then. No representatives from United Kinetic Mining.

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Stop acting like an idiot who felt that he is so important and the world will come to a halt when he stops.
2. Arrogance + Dumb = Idiotic