Tales of Idiotic & Perverted Boss (Part 27)

Baker was away from his mad office for a short vacation down south when one morning, Mr. Mosquito called his mobile...

Mr. Mosquito: Baker, are you up or down?

Mr. Baker: Boss, I am on leave today.

Mr. Mosquito: Yes, I know. Are you up or down?

Mr. Baker: Up or down?

Mr. Mosquito: Ya, up or down?

Mr. Baker: Boss, I am down south.

Mr. Mosquito: I am not asking where are you. I am asking whether you are on top you wife right now or you are down under.

Mr. Baker: Ha. ha. ha. ha. (fake smile and in his heart *^$&^!#*&)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Be professional and don't disturb your subordinate who is on vacation just to crack some dirty jokes.
2. Again... Don't be an idiot....

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 26)

Mr. Baker was in delivering a corporate briefing to a group of students from University Technology of Malawi. As usual he started of with brief introduction and moved on towards the serious part. After 5 minutes, Baker realised that the students were getting sleepy.

At that moment, he pulled out one of his classic joke to "wake" the students....

Mr. Baker: I realised that most of you are maybe a bit sleepy. Let me tell you about one funny experience of mine working in this company.

Students: Ok...

Mr. Baker: 5 years ago, XYZ Plc.'s office was in an old and small complex. One day I saw a box of colourful round shaped objects in front of my door. I was thinking to myself "Who put a box of candies in front of my door? Looks nice.."

Suddenly, before Mr. Baker can continue further..... one hand raised high among the group....

Mr. Vash: Mr. Baker, can we focus on the original presentation aa? You know, the time is limited... just go into the facts la... (Note: it's just only 5 minutes into the presentation)

Everybody else was shocked and there were a sign of awkwardness among the lecturers and students.

Mr. Baker: So now what? Can i continue my joke or what?

Mr. Vash: Ermmm... ahhh.. ehhh.... please continue.. please continue...

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Never ever humiliate your subordinate in front of other guests.
2. You can send a small note and pass it to the presenter.
3. Don't be an idiot (must I repeat this for every posts? I think I should. It's Idioticboss.blogspot anyway. ;p)

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 25)

During the General Management Meeting of XYZ Plc.

Lord Adam (CEO) : So Mr. Vash (Boss), what is our sales performance for the past few months?

Mr. Vash: Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh... Sales performance huh... Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh... I have it with me just now... Ermmm... ahhhh.. ehhhh.... Maybe Mr. Baker can comment on this matter?

Mr. Baker: Ermmm... ahhhh.. ehhhh.... Sales performance huh... Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh...

Lord Adam: Hey, Baker. Why do you speak like that? Are you ok?

Mr. Baker: Yes, sir. I am perfectly healthy. Maybe I have been working under Mr. Vash for too long... (hahahhahaha)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Always be prepared for a meeting.
2. Don't be an idiot (as usual)

Editorial: This scenario has yet to happen in my life but I plan to crack this joke when I get my transfer out notice from the HQ... hahahaha... payback time!! Ermmm... ahhhh... ehhhh...

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 24)

Lord Adam, the CEO of XYZ Plc. wanted to organise a coordination meeting between all the subsidiary companies. Mr. Baker was given the task of coordinating the meeting.

This conversation happened between Mr. Baker and the Mr. Rave, Managing Director of United Kinetic Mining, one of the main XYZ subsidiary company.

Mr. Baker: Good morning, Mr. Rave. I wish to inform you that Lord Adam wishes to organise a coordination meeting and would like you to join the meeting on 3 April.

Mr. Rave: I will be at India at that time. I won't be able to make it. Anyway, it's XYZ's matter, you all can proceed without me. But at the same time, I think I must be there for the meeting since we are part of XYZ. But then I am not available on 3 April.

Mr. Baker: Ok, I will inform Lord Adam you can't make it.

Mr. Rave: Hmm... But I strongly feel that I must be there. But I am not available on 3 April.

Mr. Baker: Ok, then. Will you be sending any representatives from United Kinetic to the meeting?

Mr. Rave: Well, you know, no point sending others. I make all the decision here. I strongly feel that I must be there. United Kinetic Mining is ME...

Mr. Baker: Ok, then. No representatives from United Kinetic Mining.

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Stop acting like an idiot who felt that he is so important and the world will come to a halt when he stops.
2. Arrogance + Dumb = Idiotic

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 23)

Mr. Vash (Boss): Baker, the Sales Manager from HQ called me just now. Apparently they did not receive sales figures yet. Can you please send them to HQ? I have a meeting on 9.30 am.

Mr. Baker (worker): Boss, I sent it three days ago. By email and fax.

Mr. Vash: Please send it again. I have a meeting on 9.30 am.

Mr. Baker: Ok, Boss.

Mr. Vash: Make sure you send it immediately and give them a call. I have a meeting on 9.30 am.

Mr. Baker: Boss, do you want to include yesterday's sales as well.

Mr. Vash: It's ok, just send the previous figure. I have a meeting on 9.30 am.

Mr. Baker: Ok, Boss. I'll do it now.

Mr. Vash: Ok, please do it now. I have a meeting on 9.30 am.

MORAL OF THE JOKE

• Please don't use lame excuses "I have a meeting on 9.30 am" so that you can pass your responsibilities to your subordinates.
• Do not continuously repeat the lame excuses.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 22)

Mr. Muka-masam is the latest sales executive to be transfered from the HQ. Everybody in the office felt that he is a very serious person because he never smiled or greet others in the office.

One day, Mr. Muka-masam was having a discussion with his assistant...

Mr. Muka-masam: Hey Ms. Nej, I noticed that the people in this office is very unfriendly.

Ms. Nej: Why you say like that?

Mr. Muka-masam: When I meet the staff or other executives in this office, they never smile or greet me.

Ms. Nej: Nope, people in this office are very friendly. (in her heart: of course people won't greet at an executive who has the look of a criminal or a rotten bitter-gourd...)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

• If you are a newbie in the office, don't expect the whole office to "throw you a welcoming party." Go and mix or social around to know the people; even the lower staff.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 21)

Mr. Vash (Boss) and Mr. Feliz (Big Boss) decided that Mr. Baker (Worker) will be the presenter for a corporate briefing.

Mr. Vash: Mr. Baker, you will be the presenter for our company in the corporate briefing next two days.

Mr. Baker: Ok, Boss.

1 day before the event, Mr. Vash went to meet the CEO.

CEO: Is Baker reliable? Is he confident to make the presentation tomorrow? I don't want any mistakes to happen.

Mr. Vash: Ermm.. ahhh... ehhh... You don't want him aa?.. ermm.. ahhh... ehhh... It's Mr. Feliz personally selected him, not me... Ermm.. ahhh... ehhh... I am not sure...

CEO: You are not sure?

Mr. Vash: Ermm.. ahhh... ehhh... I think better ask Jack to do it..

CEO: You better ask Jack to be the presenter and inform Baker in a nice way.

Mr. Vash: Ok, boss.

Mr. Jack was having a bad sore throat.

Mr. Vash: Boss, Jack is having a bad sore throat and I am afraid that he can't be the presenter for tomorrow. How aa? I think aa... I think aa... I think aa... we should ask Baker to be the presenter. He has a lot of experience in this field.

CEO: He has a lot of experience? You should have said this earlier!! Now, go and ask him to be the presenter again!!!

Mr. Vash: Ermm.. ahhh... ehhh... Yes, boss.. Yes, boss...

Mr. Vash informing Mr. Baker.

Mr. Vash: Baker, we have decided to re-select you as the presenter.

Mr. Baker: (*&%$!^#^&$(@& Idiot!)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. As a boss, you must always know the strengths and weaknesses of your subordinates.
2. You must defend your subordinate and not just following order from your higher boss like a parrot.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 20)

Mr. Mosquito is chairing a meeting and it was nearing the end....

Mr. Mosquito: Ok, anything else before we end the meeting?

Mr. J: No, boss.

Ms. Soo: No, boss.

Ms. Mery: No, boss.

Mr. Mosquito: Ok, then. We can adjourn the meeting. Back to the discussion earlier. Mr. Soo, are you really sure that our company never deal with Croatia before? I was send by our HQ to Croatia to clinch some deals with them, you know.

Ms. Soo: Ya, boss. But the deal never went through.

Mr. Mosquito: Do you wanna bet RM500 on this? (hand reaching his pocket and throw a bunch of money on the table)

Ms. Soo: But boss....

Mr Mosquito: You answer me first. Do you wanna bet? Do you wanna bet?

Ms. Soo: Boss....

Mr Mosquito: You answer me first. Do you wanna bet? Do you wanna bet?

Mr. Soo: Boss, I don't bet.

Mr. Mosquito: See, you are not sure also. That's why you don't wanna bet with me. Ok, meeting adjourned...

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Be professional and don't use office as a illegal gambling parlour.
2. If the matter is closed and solved in the earlier discussion, please let it go.
3. Again, don't be an idiot in front of your subordinates... They'll never learn, will they?

Tales of Idiotic & Perverted Boss (Part 19)

Email from Mr. Mosquito:

Mr. J.,

We have received a request from HQ to provide the sales figures from our various unit. Please coordinate and get all the figures and send to HQ.

We have to be seen doing something.

Mr. Mosquito

Senior Manager

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. If you are really good, you don't have to try hard acting good.
2. How to act busy when you are already busy..?
3. Stop all the acting and start your job already!!
4. Don't preach all the idiotic stuff to your subordinate, one scum like you in the department is bad enough.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 18)

Boss’s Wife: Ou.. you are the Ms. D whom my husband always talked about at home. You are his assistant, right?

Ms. D: Yes, I am.

Boss’s Wife: He said that you are an efficient assistant and ALWAYS DO ALL HIS WORK.

Ms. D: Haha..

Boss’s Wife: Then, I am wondering what is he doing in the office for the whole day?

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. If you are a lazy boss, just keep it to yourself. Don't tell anybody even your wife... hahaha..

Tales of Idiotic & Perverted Boss (Part 17)

Mr. Mosquito called for a discussion between Mr. J and Ms. Soo.

Mr. Mosquito: Please come in guys. Let's have a KISS... a short one.

Mr. J: KISS? What??!

Mr. Mosquito: Yeah, a kiss. You don't know what is a kiss?

Mr. J: Of course I knew. Who do you want to kiss?

Mr. Mosquito: Oh, nevermind. Please have a seat and we will start the discussion.

The discussion ended.

Ms. Soo : Boss, I am getting married next month. So I want to apply leave for my marriage.

Mr. Mosquito : No, I won't let you get married. Mr. J, do you agree?

Mr. J: Ermmm.. because she can't finish her work in time?

Ms. Mosquito: No, because we, men, like to be around single ladies.

Mr. J: Ou, ok.

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Be professional. Don't use fancy or suggestive words during a discussion.
2. Try not to bring your "horniness" to the office.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 16)

Mr. Mosquito was sent to the Department from HQ as a senior manager (it was an unofficial demotion or in simpler words, HQ wanted to get rid of him).

One morning he called for a meeting between the executives and staff of the department. FYI, he is new to the department and has no what -so-ever experience in the modus operandi or works in the department.

Mr. Mosquito: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I am Mosquito, your new Senior Manager. Previously I was in the Public Relations Department in our HQ... bla bla bla (introducing himself). Before i move on further, Ms. Ka-kak, please tell me in short, basically what is this department's function?

Ms. Ka-kak: Thank you, Mr. Mosquito. In short, our function is to obtain sales and sometimes plan marketing strategy for the company.

Mr. Mosquito: Thank you Ka-kak. I have to be honest that I am new to this area. So i need cooperation from you all.

All: Ok, Mr. Mosquito.

Mr. Mosquito: Last time when I was in HQ. I used to do all this sales work too, indirectly. I organised 8 sales meeting in a row. The HQ never provided me with staff, I SINGLE-HANDEDLY do everything. Even if I am alone, I still can have the job done. No problem.

Mr. J: (thinking in heart... another IDIOTIC Boss... If you are so great and efficient, why HQ throw you here? If you are so CAPABLE to do everything ALONE, why bother to call for a meeting?)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Don't show-off in front your subordinates during the first meeting.
2. Don't be an idiot boss!! (hahaha)

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 16)

Boss is having a discussion with CEO and suddenly calls Worker…

Boss: Hey, please make amendments to that proposal… please include…. Hold on.. hold on… (he did not disconnect the call, so Worker eavesdropped at the other end)

CEO: Hey, why is this proposal still the same? I thought we agreed to make amendments in the first paragraph?

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. Amendments aa… Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. First paragraph ya… Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… How come aa..? Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… you know, Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… I sent it to Worker for amendments… Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… I think aa… Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… he did not make amendments lor…HE IS TO BE BLAMED… his fault…

CEO: You DON’T SIMPLY BLAME PEOPLE...!! Not his fault... you have to monitor!! You must check first… come on, man!!

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… ok ok, I will do this immediately…

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Please check your Worker's completed job and don't take everything for granted.
2. If it is your mistake, just admit it. Be responsible, especially in front of the CEO who has more than 30 years of experience (in detecting liars and idiots)

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 15)

Worker got his promotion.

Boss: Congrats ya! Now you got your promotion. You are “like” me lar… same level..

Worker: Thank you boss… Boss, about that problem that we faced earlier… Can I….

Boss: Aiyo, no need to ask me.. YOU CAN MAKE SOME DECISIONS now lo…

Worker: Can I?

Boss: Yes, SAME LEVEL ma..

After 1 week

Boss: Hey, why u didn’t consult me on this matter? The Big Boss SAID you must consult me…

Worker: (thinking in heart: who was the IDIOT who gave me permission to make decision on that matter?!!!)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Don't trust an IDIOTIC Boss completely.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 14)

Boss: Worker, can you help me to do this thing aa?

Worker: Eh, Boss. I thought this is Ms. Z’s work?

Boss: Ya, I DON’T WANT TO GIVE HER WORK la…

Worker: Why?

Boss: You know la… she is a bit vocal and sometimes moody… I don’t like it la

Worker: Boss, you should give her the job la… if Big Boss knows about you NOT DELEGATING job to her, Big Boss will be mad…

cont...

In a Departmental Meeting

Big Boss: Hey!! What is your subordinate, Ms. Z doing at the moment..

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… (turn his face to the Worker to signal for help)

Worker: (in heart: told you earlier…) (pretend looking at the ceiling for lizards)

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh… Actually aa… Actually aa… Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh…

Big Boss: What?!! This means that you did not give her anything to do?!! I am really disappointed!! You FAILED AS A MANAGER!!

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Delegate the job to your right subordinate and not to overburden others.
2. As a manager, be brave and if necessary be "bad"

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 13)

Ms. Ka-kak just joined the department as an Assistant Manager… This happened during her first day at work…

Ms. Ka-kak: Hello everybody, I am Ka-kak, sent by HQ. I am your new Assistant Manager. I expect all of you to work together and follow all the guidelines in our ISO.

Workers: Ok, Ms. Ka-kak.

Ms. Ka-kak: Good, I am very particular about my subordinates following the rules. I, myself, always refer to the ISO for guidelines… That’s how I got the Most Outstanding Employee for 2009. FYI, I am very strict with the Employees’ Evaluation at the end of the year.

Workers: Ok, Ms. Ka-kak. What are your expectations?

Ms. Ka-kak: Work together. Come on time. Keep me inform.. bla bla bla… and that’s how I got the Most Outstanding Employee for 2009.

Workers: Ok. Ms. Ka-kak.

Ms. Ka-kak: Don’t worry. I will be fair and not like my previous boss who gave me bad evaluation for 2009 but the CEO felt that I am a good worker. That’s why I got the Most Outstanding Employee for 2009

Mr. J: What happened, Ms. Ka-kak?

Ms. Ka-kak: She accused me of not performing and always applies for medical leave when I am really sick. But that’s not true. If not, then how I got the Most Outstanding Employee for 2009.

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Don't show off on your first day to work!!

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 12)

Everybody in the office suspected Boss of having gynophobia (fear of women)

Worker: Morning, Boss!

Boss: Morning! (turning to Ms. Z) Hey, Ms. Z, how are you today? Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. you are around aa?

Ms. Z: Ya… (answered with a poker face)

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. you have anything to do aa?

Ms. Z: Nope… You did not give me anything to do…

Boss: Yes aa? Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. (talking in a soft whispering voice).. if you have time please help Mr. J ya.. (looking at Mr. J (Worker) as if he is talking to him)

Worker: (in heart: What a TIMID BOSS….!)

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Please act like a BOSS and MAN...

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 11)

Before the meeting..

Worker: Boss, there are some delay in the shipment of our cargo from Argentina. Should we call Argentina and ask them when it will arrive? I feel that Big Boss will surely ask you on this matter.

Boss: No need la. No worries...

During the meeting

Big Boss: When will the shipment from Argentina arrives?

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. (turn his face to the Worker to signal for help)

Worker: (in heart: haha, told you to CHECK BEFORE THE MEETING but you don’t want to listen)

Big Boss: Hey!!! I am talking to you!! Why are you looking at the Worker?!!!

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh.. I will check… I will check...

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Don't take anything for granted. Check all the details before you enter a meeting.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 10)

Big Boss is having a discussion with Boss and the Worker again...

Big Boss: Ok, Mr. J (Worker)… you call the Finance Dept and ask them for the latest status of our budget…

Boss: Yes, Mr. J… please call the Finance Dept and ask them for the latest status of our budget…

Big Boss: Hey!! Why are you repeating my instructions to him?!!! He can understand… you no need to REPEAT SOMEBODY’S INSTRUCTIONS LIKE A PARROT…!!!

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh..

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Don't show-off in front of your big boss by repeating instructions.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 9)

Boss and Worker is having a discussion with the Big Boss.

Big Boss: Ok, please do this and this and that…

Boss: Ok Big Boss, WE WILL DO IT (Boss replying while pointing finger at Worker)

Big Boss: Hey, I am asking you to do, not the worker!!

Boss: Errmm.. Aahh.. Ehh..

MORAL OF THE JOKE

1. Be responsible when your boss gave you work.
2. Stop pointing finger to others.
3. Stop passing your job to others. In Malaysia, we call this idiotic practise as "tai-chi" (referring to the tai-chi moves where you move your palm as if you are pushing something away from your body)

The Tales of Idiotic Boss Resumes!!!

Welcome again to all the fans of "Tales of Idiotic Boss"... It has been awhile since I last posted in this blog. The main reason was my "idiotic boss" has been assigned to another department and the replacement just entered my office in November 2009. So it took me 3 months to compile some funny idiotic conversation with the new boss, who is as idiotic as the previous one... By the way, I just realised that I still have a few funny idiotic jokes on the previous boss.. Will post them all for your entertainment... Enjoy folks...!