FFF - Forms, Forms, Forms Part 3 (Cont...)

The Special Ops were on the way to apprehend the suspect... all the team member moved into position and waiting for signal from Team Leader... their hearts were pounding fast with anxiety... they were breathing heavily as the stench from the area was foul...

"Ten-David, we have the target on sight and ready to go. Please advice."

"Target identified, go, go, go.." as the walkie talkie sounded...

Team Leader gave the signal.... "Bang" they blew open the door where the suspect was hiding...

Team Leader: HR Investigation!! Stop what ever you are doing and put your hands on your head!!! Let me see those hands!!! You are under arrest!!

Benny: Wait, I am wiping my ass with tissue...

Team Leader: Stop there!! Don't try to destroy the evidence. Team A, please seize the "evidence" from the suspect.

Benny: Can you at least let me flush the toilet as it is getting smelly.

Team Leader: Stop there! You want to destroy the evidence again?!!! Team B, please gather the important evidence. We need both of the evidence as instructed by Mr. Mizerry.

"Ten-David, the suspect is apprehended and ready to go..."

FFF - Forms, Forms, Forms Part 3

One morning, Boss called Benny...

Boss: Benny, where are you? I need to see you urgently.

Benny: Ermm.. Boss, I am in the toilet. I will see you in 15 minutes.

Boss: You don't lie to me. I did not approve your AFS Form. Either you are not in the office or you are breaking the rules.

Benny: I am so sorry, Boss. I had a stomach upset and I really need to shit.

Boss: You hold on there, buster. I am sending the HR Investigator, Mr. Mizerry to apprehend you. Stop whatever you are doing there.

FFF - Forms, Forms, Forms Part 2

One day Benny was called urgently to the HR Department.

Benny: Yes, anything urgent?

HR: Yes, we found some mistakes in your application.

Benny: Are you sure? I have really checked it thoroughly.

HR: We did some investigation and found that you did a mistake or dishonest in filling this form.

Benny: Please show me the mistake.

HR: In the AFS* Form, Section C, you ticked Option Three whereas one of my investigator told me that you actually fall in the Option Two.

Benny: Let me have a look.... Oh yah, sorry I admit it's my mistake.

HR: See now... you should have admitted that your shit is greenish colour in option 2, instead of brownish color in option 3. Our investigator always check and make sure no mistakes in the forms.

Benny: Sorry, I will be more careful next time when I check my shit.

*AFS=Application To Shit

FFF - Forms, Forms, Forms

One fine morning, Benny was on his workstation auditing his customer's Balance Sheet.. when suddenly...

Benny: Can you hand me the ATS Form?

HR: Here is your ATS Form. I recommend you fill in this ATF and ATP Form too.

Benny: Ok, I might need the other two forms as three of these normally come together.

HR: Ok, please fill in these forms and submit them to me for approval.

Benny: Can you approve my applications right away.

HR: Depending on the number of applications. Sometimes it might need few days.

Benny: But I need this urgently so that I can proceed.

HR: Sorry pal, rules are rules. Not even the CEO can bend the rules here. I recommend you to settle this out of the office.

Benny: Ok, please give me the relevant form.

HR: Here is your ATSO form. This application can be approved in few minutes.

Benny: TQ.

Abbreviations for the forms:

1. ATS = Application To Shit

2. ATF = Application To Fart

3. ATP = Application To Pee

4. ATSO = Application To Shit Outside

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 32)

XYZ Plc. was having a weekly Management Meeting.

Sir Amvent: Lord Adam, I proposed that we mobilised all the sales personnel in the sales department to secure more sales.

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent.

Sir Amvent: Then we implement a Call Centre Unit to handle the sales via phone.

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent again.

Sir Amvent: And to further reduce the cost, we can terminate those sales personnel who did not perfom.

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent.

Sir Amvent: This is to show our commitment in getting more sales to the HQ. And if Lord Adam, you are in the sales teams, we might sack you if you are not performing. Ha ha!

Ms. Rody: Lord Adam, I fully agree with Sir Amvent. Ermm... Sorry Lord Adam, I didn't mean that I agree that you to be sacked.

Sir Amvent: Ms. Rody, I am just cracking a joke here. Just don't agree with me on anything, will'ya.

Ms. Rody was blushing like a baboon's ass.

Moral of the Joke

• If you want to apple-polish, please do it with human brain and not parrot brain.
• You will get more "asses" on your face than good favours by apple-polishing.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 31)

(This happened few years ago) XYZ PLc. is in the midst of evaluating some training proposal from consultants for some internal training programme. Two consultant companies were shortlisted Advonte Plc. and TrainBean Plc. Mr. Vash was assigned to conduct a evaluation and suggest the best company for the job.

Mr. Vash, in his usual nature, delegated this job to his assistant, Mr. Baker.

Mr. Vash: Baker, did you come to any decision on the two companies? Which one you think is suitable for the job?

Mr. Baker: Boss, based on the evaluation, I think TrainBean Plc. is more suitable than Advonte.

Mr. Vash: Why?

Mr. Baker: Boss, first of all, TrainBean is more established and they have a lot of experience in the training subject.

Mr. Vash: Aiaya, are you sure aa? But I think Advonte is better.

Mr. Baker: Ok Boss. If you feel Advonte is better, then we will suggest Advonte to the Management.

Mr. Vash: Yeah. Baker, please remember to call Advonte and inform them to prepare a final proposal.

Few days have gone and Baker forgot to call Advonte Plc.

Mr. Vash: Baker, why you didn't call Advonte Plc.?

Mr. Baker: Sorry Boss, I forgot. But how did you know about this?

Mr. Vash: Of course I knew. My wife has been nagging me at home and asking when we wanna award the contract to her friend!! (oppssss...)

Mr. Baker: ..................

Mr. Vash: Ermmm... ahhh.. ehhh.... No la. No la. Forget what I have said.

Mr. Baker: (wtf.....!)

Moral of the Joke

• As a Boss, you make all the decision not your spouse/partners.
• Be professional. Don't mix office with home.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 30)

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! You can't even solve this problem. Really stupid!!

........

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! The letter is crumpled. Really Stupid!!

.......

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! Can't you give a better alternative? Really stupid!!

.......

Mr. Mosquito: Stupid! You are just plain stupid!!

.......

Lord Adam got to know about Mr. Mosquito's bad habit of calling people "stupid" in the office. So one day Lord Adam asked for Mr. Mosquito.

Lord Adam: I heard that you like to call people "stupid" in the office.

Mr. Mosquito: No, no. I never do that. You have been misinformed. It's not me but my assistant, Ms. Maggie. I'll never call people "stupid"

Moral of the Joke

• Don't insult your subordinate.
• Don't call people "stupid" unless you are Einstein, Hawkings or Obama.
• Stupid boss calling others stupid = a pig calling other animals fat. :)

Baker is finally out of the "Shit Hole"

As some of the readers might noticed, there were no posts in May 2010. It's because Baker finally got his transfer out from his office. Therefore he was busy packing his stuffs and moving to a new office in the whole month of May.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 29)

One month ago, Baker has finally left his "shitty" office in Kuala Lumpur back to this hometown...

So one day at his old shitty office...

Scene 1:

Big Boss: "Who approved this programme?!!! I don't know a damn thing about it!!"

Boss: "Boss....Baker said...... u approved it."

Scene 2:

Janitor: "Who nvr flush the toilet?"

Boss: "It's Baker"

Scene 3:

James: "Darn! It's raining again."

Boss: "It's Baker's fault"

Scene 4:

Security: "Who never shut the emergency door?"

Boss: "Yesterday, I saw Baker open this door and never shut it back"

Scene 5:

Boss: "Damn, some of my shit stuck on my skirt. It's Baker's fault!"

Scene 6:

Boss' Son: "Mom, where does baby comes from?"

Boss: "It's Baker's fault"

MORAL OF THE JOKE

• You can put the blame on your subordinate when he is already left the office. However, not everybody might believe you.
• Be responsible already!!
• Blaming game will make you look stupid.

Tales of Idiotic Boss (Part 28)

John was on a long vacation. When suddenly Boss emailed him...

Email 1 -

Dear John,

How do we assign jobs to the new staff? Please advise.

Boss.

Reply1 -

Dear Boss,

Please bring the new staff to meet the Head of HR. He/She will assign the jobs to them.

John

Email 2 -

Dear John,

I appreciate next time that you inform me of the arrival of the new staff at least 5 days in advance. How do we assign jobs to the new staff? Please advise.

Boss.

Reply2 -

Dear Boss,

As mentioned in the earlier email, please bring the new staff to meet the Head of HR. He/She will assign the jobs to them.

John

(One day, Nicki, John's subordinate met with Boss)

Boss: John is very rude to me. He is giving me orders to work. Who he thinks he is?! I am the Boss.. Very rude...

Nicki: ........

MORAL OF THE STORY:

John should write like this:

To My Esteemed Boss,

I have the honour to reply to your brilliant question. In my humblest opinion, I have the pleasure to inform Your Esteemed Boss that Your Esteemed Boss is able to consult the HR Boss with regard to the assignment for the new staff.

I would like to bow down to say a million thanks for wasting your precious golden time.

Any harm caused in this email is deeply regretted.

With utmost respect from your humblest worker,

John